FORGIVENESS ? An Integral Part of Marriage
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How do you find freedom from the acridity, which has the power to destroy relationships? Forgiveness! Forgiveness takes place when we accept the blemishes in life and drop all charges against the other person – in most cases, our spouse. It means accepting him/her when both of you know he or she has done something quite inappropriate. You dispel the expression of regret because you want to maintain peace. This is advisable perhaps because one of the most merciless destroyers of any relationship is the inability to forgive. It puts a barrier between our loved one and us. You have to realize that a lack of forgiveness holds you hostage. It keeps you stuck in the quicksand of relationship troughs. You have to face up to one thing - no matter how rightful you feel about your point of view regarding your partner’s hard-hearted behavior, you still are broken-hearted and disconsolate – and downright miserable. You can’t feel happiness or peace of mind because you’re too busy being incensed or feeling discontented and wallowing in self-pity. Yet, in the face of these apparent drawbacks, you refuse to let go of your conviction that since you have been wronged or betrayed, you must not give in. You interact with each other in an indifferent or mechanical manner, never allowing your partner to step over the line you’ve drawn. And though the distance often feels unbearable and plays on your mind – wrecking your peace of mind, forgiveness is not on your agenda to resolve the predicament! Why?
So many couples say they want to heal the rift in their relationships and yet, when they’re offered the tools, they can’t seem to move forward and become immobile. As long as they maintain this mindset, they are doomed to failure. If you have ever found yourself in a similar situation at some point in your life, you need to realize that forgiveness is a favor you do to yourself – as well as your spouse of course. Letting go of bitterness can set you free. It opens the door to emotional closeness. Forgiving your spouse takes strength, particularly when you feel betrayed or hurt, but there is one thing we must all remember – the courage required in forgiving someone who has wronged us pales in comparison to the strength necessary to sustain bitterness and ill-will.

How to forgive someone who has wronged us

You may feel on reading the above piece that it sounds good in text and fiction but is unrealistic and inapplicable in reality because it is difficult to forget the hurt inflicted upon us by the wrongdoer. Out here we are not saying that its easy to forget. We’ll probably remember the particular incident in a long time to come. But forgiveness is not the same as forgetting - when you forgive, the vehement emotions associated with the incident begin to gradually fade into oblivion. You will feel happier and considerably lighter – almost as though a weight has been lifted from your heart. Just keep in mind that forgiveness is a decision that has the power to change your life. All you have to do is make up your mind that you are going to start tomorrow with a clean slate. Even if it isn’t easy, you make the determination that the alternative is even harder – and a hindrance towards a more positive future. So promise yourself, that no matter what the reason, you will not go another day blaming your spouse and consequently, feeling lonesome.

The only other question that might come to mind is - Is it possible to forgive someone who hasn’t said sorry or who continues to hurt us? Yes – if we realize that our own health and metal peace depends on us being able to do this because an inability to forgive and prolonged bitterness injure us as much as the person we profess to hate.

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