INDOlink

MARRIAGE – A Question of Fidelity
Email this page
Print this page

Infidelity can lead to a loss of self-esteem and a blow to your relationship when you discover your spouse has deceived you by fooling around. However, this is a reality that can and does strike a number of marriages, and we must learn how to deal this with it, should the ugly situation rear its head in our lives. The first step is a direct confrontation – no hinting or beating around the bush. This is when you hear about the disorderly plight straight from the horse´s mouth. Create a predicament where you can make known your uncertainties and distress to your spouse. Do not be afraid to indulge in a logical debate about the cause of your mistrust, underlining your argument with a substantial set of circumstances that has led you to your suspicions. If your spouse is willing to make a clean break of it, listen instead of interrupting with accusations and tears. But if you are met with an outright contradiction or denials, then ask for a satisfactory explanation to appease your misgivings.
The second step is doing something about the prevailing circumstances - try and get together to scrutinize the problem. Instead of charging accusations and counter-accusations at each other, try and see why this happened in the first place. Affairs happen as much for the sex as for the emotional and mental stimulation that two people find in each other. Sit down together and analyze what voids in your own relationship led to the whole matter in the first place. Perhaps an affair just happened because the other person was more available, more understanding and just more around for your spouse than you were (depicted in the offbeat movie Astitva). If that is the case, then maybe the relationship is worth salvaging and infidelity can be nipped in the bud – if both you and your spouse are willing. Don´t make your decision when you´re still reeling from the shock. Take your time because you need to work out what you want. Not only look at how you feel about the liaison, but also the state of your relationship before your spouse went astray. Were you happy enough then to give it a second chance now? You need to find out what he/she wants too. Does your spouse want the relationship to work or is he/she relieved that matters have come out in the open, giving him or her the opportunity to leave? You have to calmly talk this through. Once you know where you both stand, take a hard look at the situation. You must ask your spouse candidly where the whole affair is headed because if he/she is emotionally involved, then you have a right to know that too, because such affairs are difficult to come out of with a clean break. Perhaps this is a solitary mistake your partner has made in the heat of the moment. Sometimes the understanding between couples after an affair helps them resolve old forgotten issues and start anew. However, if you feel that this is a chronic case, where the relationship with the third party will not end, or if it is not the first time that it has happened, then maybe you should think of ending the relationship.

REASONS TO STAY

There is a point in staying together if you both want the marriage to work, even if you have no clue how to go about it. You have a good chance of succeeding when the intention is there. If you can’t stand the sight of each other now but want to stay together for the sake of the children, think carefully about this resolution. It may not be healthy for children if their warring parents stay together. However, many couples do stay together and make the relationship work. Ultimately, the decision to stay or go is up to you both.

AFFAIR PROOF YOUR MARRIAGE

Comfort and compliment your spouse so that he/she won´t look elsewhere for emotional bonding. Other simple events that could bring you together might be a nice meal or an after-dinner walk – such simple things allows you to connect and feel close on a daily basis.

Give your hubby space: Men need time to disconnect from the responsibilities of marriage. This has different connotations for everybody - it may mean time alone in front of the computer/television, golf games with friends or simply time together without conversation. Give him space to do his own thing so that he´s ready to be there for you when you want his time and attention.

Restore the magic: Playing and having fun together will help maintain or restore the sizzle in your relationship. That may mean playing fun games, trying new activities or taking a class together.

Communication is the best thing you can do to iron out any problems, especially if you are open and honest in your relationship, and can talk out any problems before they lead to infidelity. Don´t be hesitant to open up.

Home About Us Jobs Comments Contact Us Advertise Terms of Service Privacy Policy
Copyright © 1995-2014 INDOlink.com, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
INDOlink, Planet Bollywood, "Best of Both Worlds", "Linking Indians Worldwide" are trademarks of INDOlink.com, Inc.