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A Long Distance Marriage
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If you´re singing the separated blues get some inspiration from this long-distance survival kit and make the miles disappear. A common saying goes: Absence makes the heart grow fonder. On the other hand is a more threatening saying: Out of sight, out of mind. How do you nurture your marriage from a distance? How do you deal with the apprehension and insecurities? How do you use the time while you´re apart? Any relationship that succeeds is a blessing. It´s easy to get lost in the everyday trials that permanently wreck some relationships. But there are many couples who overcome those challenges and perhaps an even greater impediment: long-distance love. What usually comes to our mind every time we hear the term long distance relationship is a vision of tears, temptations and self-pity. Sure there is a downside to almost every relationship, but those who have been through a long distance romance will tell you that it’s not that bad once you get used to it. They’ll tell you about the sheer high of receiving his email and the sensation of falling in love all over again when you’re reunited. Yes, people can and do make a long distance relationship work, but it takes a Herculean effort. The bottom line is about wanting it badly enough to make it work.
EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

Long-distance marriages are on the rise in today´s fast-paced world. One person may be building a career while the other has to relocate. Continuing the marriages from a distance is an alternative that can work only if the relationship is strong. Sumeet and Ipsita have been married for three years. Sumeet was getting the opportunity of his lifetime that required him to relocate to Mumbai, when Ipsita received an exciting offer from a local television channel in Kolkata – something she had always aspired towards. "I could have accompanied him to Mumbai, but Sumeet knew I wouldn´t have been happy. At the same time, I wanted him to have the best possible job," says Ipsita. They make a point of getting together every eight-ten weeks. And are constantly in touch with calls and emails. "They were pretty mundane," Ipsita recalls, " a lot of ´I ate this, I went there.´ But isn´t that what relationships are about — all the little things you´re doing and feeling?"

FUEL THE ROMANCE

That´s the secret to having the most romantic long-distance marriages A passionate long distance relationship requires some extra work and imagination. Being apart gives you the chance to be the creative lover. You can write the most romantic chapter in your relationship by taking the time to remind your significant other of all the ways you keep him in your heart and all the memories of times spent together.

PROBLEMS YOU COULD ENCOUNTER

There are some problems that invariably occur with a detached marriage – can you handle the idea that far-off plans may change - that he may not be able to make it for your sister’s wedding? What happens if the gorgeous guy in the next cubicle sends "I´m Interested" vibes? Is either of you good at entertaining yourselves or will there be tears? And what of the nitty-gritty problems faced by every couple – together? Ranjana has been in a long distance marriage for the last couple of years. Her husband is a shippie who is often away for several months at a stretch but she firmly tells herself it’s going to work. The only thing that they deeply regret is that he is missing out on the growing years of his two sons; every time he meets them they seem to have grown further and so many physical and intellectual changes have taken place. And just when he aquaints himself with them, it’s time to move off for another lonely stretch. Raising two boys alone proves to be a problem for Ranjana, as she doesn’t know how to handle her elder son’s chain-smoking and her younger son’s brawls in school. These are the times where she misses the physical presence of her husband.

Of course, not all long distance marriages work out without a hitch. What kind of commitment, and how serious it is, will be different strokes for different folks but being so far apart can be a risky endeavor for most couples, and the distance can sometimes severe a relationship if they decide to go their own ways. Most relationships are based on physical and emotional contact and when you don´t get to see each other for a long period of time, you might get used to the independence that comes with being alone.

WHEN DEPRESSION HITS

Cry if it helps you. Write a letter to your man letting him know how you are feeling. Explain how you feel. Don´t hide your worries. Body language fails on the phone and in email, so you´ll have to use the only thing you have to express yourself across the distance – words. And never let yourself hang up without clarifying something that might be troubling you.

Make it a point to keep yourself occupied. Don´t become so consumed with your love that you don´t live your life while you´re apart. Those who linger at home, awaiting a potential phone call at the expense of having a life, will find resentment accrues. Concentrate on your career or on your hobbies and cultivate new interests.

To be successful, there must be a level of trust. Separate social lives are a built-in necessity. They need to flourish without acidic words or apologetic stances. Be supportive - Just because you can´t be with him, don´t begrudge him good times while you are apart. You have to develop the trust that your better half’s social life in his or her town will not be a threat to the relationship. Keep in mind that you are living apart out of necessity, and not choice.

IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS WORKING

Ask yourself if you eagerly anticipate his visits, e-mails and phone calls?

Consider how much attention you give him. Do you return his e-mails promptly or is it a chore? Do you call when you say you will?

Think about how he treats you. Is he putting as much effort into the relationship as you are? Do you feel cherished or taken for granted?

Consider your future plans. Do you have a concrete strategy for being together in the future? Long Distance Relationships are feasible if they have an end date — it´s important that people know they are going to be together at some time in the future.

Ask yourself whether your life apart from the other person is more interesting than being together. If so, it may be time to move on.

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