INDOlink - Love Connection: Traditional Gender Roles

Traditional Gender Roles
by: Jasmeen Dugal

“I am twenty-seven-years-old working woman and a mother of a two-year-old. My husband is a businessman who keeps the usual ten-to-six timing. However, I have a problem – we have just one servant whose duties involve looking around our child first and then manage the household. As a result, I have to come home from work and then slave at home while my hubby does not think that he needs to do any housework. I sometimes wonder if I’m asking for too much if I ask him to help me out occasionally, maybe just driving down to the supermarket for weekly necessities?” This is in all probability a common scene in households where both husband and wife work. However, there is no master blueprint to triumph over the impediments that face working couples. What works for one couple may not work for another. Couples who have managed this lifestyle successfully recognize the importance of keeping an open mind when it comes to devising solutions in improving their lifestyle. The ability to look at the given circumstance from a different perspective has to form an essential characteristic among couples who want to balance work and household duties reasonably.

Failure to adjust in such circumstances is the crashing point of many a marriage. This is probably because some of us still believe in the traditional gender rules borne from The Dark Ages - Men are not expected to work in the house - Women are expected to handle the home front. But with changing times, more and more women are working to supplement the family income and look towards a progressive lifestyle. As a result, their husbands should understand the stress a woman undergoes balancing the home and workplace. If both participate in household chores, then life can be smoother and more satisfying. I t would do all of us some good to remember that the traditional definition of marriage is a partnership based on equality.

If your husband has been conditioned to believe in the caveman approach that household chores are not part of the traditional masculine role, he will not be used to helping around the house. It may not be because he is selfish by nature - since he has never worked in the house since childhood, he may not appreciate the effort these simple responsibilities require.

Here are some pointers aimed to help out -:

Make a detailed list of all the little "invisible" household chores.

Note how much time and effort every one of them takes. Include playing with the children, helping them with homework, laying out the meals, making the bed, shopping for household necessities, etc. Compare your working hours with your husband´s. If you spend more time working than he does, then the inequality status needs to be fixed, or it could lead to resentment and a burnout!

Ask your husband to help out.

Ask him to do his share. Don´t use threats if you are not ready to go through with them. If you say, "I will not cook dinner unless the dishes are done," then don´t cook or don´t say it. Nagging is something we resort to, without realizing that it is completely purposeless. When you want to get an important message across -: speak calmly, and get your point across.

Don´t get upset if the work done is not according to your specifications.

Never criticize his efforts. When your husband takes over certain chores, you may feel your territory is being invaded. But don’t forget that this is not exclusively your territory. If he spends more time with the children, you may feel left out. After all, you asked him to help you out – and it’s not humanly possible for him to do everything according to a master blueprint, like a robot! Be psychologically prepared for such a situation.

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