A Tubby Apparition

by: Chandra Ghosh Jain   

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Initially, of course it was the betting point between my two sons as to what dimensions I would reach but with the doctor gloomily announcing a list of ailments, diabetes, high blood pressure, etc, etc that they all came down heavily with a diet chart monitored closely by my all-knowing grandson. Sachit although only in class eigth, was full of information, about what over weight did to people, which he always ghoulishly announced to his mother who was also perennially battling her bulge. It was but natural that I would not turn away a hungry man from my table, I am called Annapurna for nothing. He just wolfed down everything so swiftly that I couldn’t believe my eyes. Then he shimmered away, as if the whole thing had never been. Only evidence being the empty platter. I never mentioned it to any one it would have lead to more trouble, there would be hurried consultations with the doctor, “Ma’s begun hallucinating”. But I was sure that ‘he’ would come for more. Sure enough, there he was with the cherubic woe begone expression, eyeing the biryani, and raita it would have melted a heart of stone. After I had shooed away Ganga bai (my kitchen assistant) with reasonable decency, the smile on ‘his’ face broadened as he just saw me arranging his plate for him. It was apparent that (Mr.Tubbs as I called him mentally) Ganga bai couldn’t see him. As ‘he’ was just beginning to fade away, I said, “Not so fast, you must tell me a little about yourself.” With a huge sigh, Mr. Tubbs began, “ Well things were fine till I had my first heart attack, then even Gurusha, my daughter would not let me take an extra mouthful. She began calling me ‘ Whopping Walter Hudson’ the fattest man on earth who was in the Guiness’s book, she would tell me at the rate I was going I would soon be able to beat him hollow. Not that anything helped; I just kept focussing only on food and ways and means of giving Gurusha and her mother the slip. Occasionally I succeeded, but later they became even more vigilant.” He appeared to have enjoyed the skirmishes. A starving ghost, wasn’t that a contradiction? Well life was full of surprises, and my mother had told me that a spirit wanders around looking for fulfillment. “Memsaheb, Mataji ......”,was all I could catch as I entered Sachit’s room to find Sachit, his plump and still attractive mother and Gangabai in a conference. It was obvious that they were discussing me, as they guiltily started speaking in loud voices. Of late I had begun feeling that Sachit when he was back from school would come upon me suddenly as if he hoped to catch me red-handed. Well I was not going to let them get me that easily. As things stood it was tough enough to sit through solemn lectures, on the benefits of giving up sugar, filled with examples, of so-and-so’s father, aunts, uncles restrained behaviour which led to their longevity. It was after Mr.Tubbs had feasted himself on chocolate cake, French fries and hamburgers that little Shweta, put her arms around me and began sobbing, “Dadisa, don’t do this to yourself, without you life will be unbearable. See Dadi even I will give up eating chocolates and potato chip wafers for you”, she declared looking very noble and solemn. My heart turned over in guilt and amazement. Little Shweta whom we had presumed to be the proto-type of a mini selfish giant! I must have transgressed a great deal to get such vows. How was I to explain to my loving brood this infernal Mr.Tubbs? I decided that I would be extremely firm , and not get carried away by his persistent famished looks. Just as I was putting away the dahi-vadas in the fridge, there he was eyeing the samosas, greedily, all confident of my generous nature. In fact he didn’t even wait for me to serve him on a plate, there he was helping himself to the tikkies straight from the serving plate! “Oh, no you don’t, I cried, slapping his chubby, fat arms. Each item has been counted by Ganga bai and reported to Shilpi my bari bahu. I fear the combined disapproval of Shiv and Vishnu( they are my sons) if they feel that I have been wolfing down all these kachories. You better scram and stop haunting me if you wish me well.” Mr.Tubbs gave me a pathetically woeful look, which almost made me give up my resolve, but Shweta’s anxiety reminded me to be firm. “You better find a house of slim trim people who will not be bothered about calories,” I added as a parting advice to his melting frame. Did I hear a sigh and ‘a nowadays every one is on a health trip and eating only sprouts and soya beans .....’ whispered in the breeze? “Well try the halwais and restaurants,” I whispered back. “They are a mean lot, keeping a very close account of their stuff...”came back an answering whiff of air. Ganga bai entered looking very puzzled, “Kaun tha ammaji?” I appeared as unknowing as I could under the circumstances. There would be tales soon enough of how Ammaji has taken to talking to herself. It was a sunny January morning; the pale sunlight filtered in through the kitchen door, the aroma of gajar-ka-halwa must have brought him back. I had thought he had taken my refusal rather gracefully and had in a contradictory way begun missing him. Today Mr.Tubbs was dressed for an outing, in a long black achkan and churidar, he looked a trifle embarrassed and uncomfortable. Was I seeing things or was that truly Chaand, my husband behind him? Look at his audacity, disturbing my Chaand just so that I would continue to feed him uninterruptedly! My eyes had begun flashing fire when I caught Chaand’s eye welcoming me, everything else was forgotten in the hurry to reunite with him again.....

“Dadisa just couldn’t give up sweet, she had finished the entire bowl of halwa” claimed a mournful Sachit holding on to his weeping sister. “When I grow up I will invent a sugar which will not harm the body,” declared Shweta optimistically. There was guilt and fear of not having fulfilled the last wishes of Ammaji on the minds of her sons. As an act of penitence, all her favourite foods were cooked and fed to the Brahmins on the thirteenth day, in their sorrow and anxiety nobody noticed the fat and stout ‘shimmering’ man join in.....