If

by: Shivani Sethi   

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I frowned and attempted to divert my attention. I picked up my journal from the white nightstand and began to leaf through past entries. Reading my journal always seemed to have a placating effect on my state of mind. A picture of three young girls with innocent expressions fell out from the page with the following entry:

Dear Journal, December 17, 1996

Never in my sixteen years of life on Earth have I ever felt as lucky as I did today. I've always felt as though everyone else had everything I wanted materially, mentally, and socially. I never felt like the privileged one. Today was different. I was the ostrich amidst a flock of geese. I was the one who took vision for granted until confronted with those who had never seen an eclipse or a sunset or the round soft face of a baby.

My visit today to a primary boarding school for young blind girls was truly a rewarding experience. I was overwhelmed by the response when Sangeeta, the school principal, introduced me to the children. The girls were so polite and seemed especially happy to know that I was from America. They wanted me to tell them everything about my life and give details about America. They listened intently and thoughtfully chewed each word I spoke. I helped them with their newly developed English speaking skills and in return they helped me improve my Hindi (the national language of India). I sat in on a weaving class which many of the girls took for fun and was amazed to see how well the children looked after one another. They helped each other get into their seats. They were respectful to their teacher who was also blind. My eyes were full of sympathetic tears but didn't dare trickle down my cheek. They independently performed daily tasks such as washing their dishes and keeping their rooms tidy. There I was with twenty twenty vision and yet I was guilty of complaining how tedious these tasks were.These children were happy. They were happy to have each other and had learned to deal with their circumstances. They tackled challenges, worked together, and looked after one another. They were oblivious to their surroundings and didn't need anyone's sympathy.

I'm proud of the girls and would like to use them as a model for myself. Normally when I get into a tough situation, I begin to pity myself and regret I don't have or didn't do something that would have prevented me from being in the situation I'm in. This visit has definitely taught me a lesson. Dealing with the circumstances is far more beneficial than self pity. Never again will I say, "if only. . ."

I closed the sandy brown book feeling ashamed of myself. I was glad I reread that diary entry today. I had been so selfish. If I soak in self pity, how can I possibly advance? What I said in my journal entry was right. Accepting the circumstances and dealing with them would surely guide me to the route of progress and success. My experience at the blind school was an unforgettable one. Without that visit I would have never been able to remind myself how fortunate I am just for being able to see, breathe, hear, talk, laugh, write, read, and walk. I tore out the journal entry and tacked it up on my bulletin board to remind myself to never say, "if only. . ."