He smiled, but the smile that played on his lips was not the one he expected to deliver. He had always wanted to please her, no matter what he did, she would be the first person who comes into his mind. It was her. Her hair. Her peacock eyes, stunning and alluring, transporting a normal man to cloud nine. Her ear-rings, the way her chain hung around her swan neck, all in all, it was her aura that pulled him to her. Sometimes he lost hope when he fantasized her with another man- male- he would stare longingly at her until he was satisfied. Her beauty, her charm, and her perfume- oh that scent of her bewitched him, made him to forget himself, and it distracted his concentration.
No other girl attracted him as much as she did. It made him to loose hope when she walked past him without even wanting to look at his handsome face. He would leave every single thing that he owns just to be her slave, to be her little dog who she can feed at night, cuddle with when she is down, rest him on her lap on a busy day, and just a dog he would wanted to be for her.
He noticed her from the strand of her hair right up to the piece of leather covering her soft feet. What about her? She comes and goes and she was so immersed in the world of her own and nothing is more important to her but herself. Sometimes, it does not matter, because she is so deeply in love with herself. Yes, none other than her own self. She stayed alone in a dingy flat across his. She placed a binocular in her room to watch the magnificent view from the small window of hers. The only view that was offered for a RM200 per month was a busy road where cars, lorries, and not forgetting even the train track was under her nose. She gets out of her mind sometimes, thinking that she can at least jump on to the track- commit suicide. To her, she felt that every single human being on this mother earth had at least thought of ending their lives for once. It sounded normal to her. She was not sure of herself and she was troubled by her past.
On one lucky day, she came running to him- yes it shocked the hell out of him. He was after his class, walking back home with a pair of ear-phone fixed tightly to his ears. He was listening to Guns N Roses which immersed him by the haunting music of this band. The guitar… piano… the lyrics, all in all, made him forget the world.
He felt the vibrations on the wooden floor under his feet, indicating that someone was running… running away from a great danger. He opened his eyes and saw her running, towards him. Yes, right to him. He couldn’t believe his eyes, afraid that his own bare eyes played tricks on him. To him, she ran peculiarly.
She ran as fast as a deer being chased by a starving cheetah. He glimpsed carefully. In his mind, everything was in slow-motion- her beg fell to her arms, books were scattered on to the solid wooden floor. She was sweating as she was breathing hard, gasping for air. Her hair flew freely in the wind that naturally brushes the softness of it. Unfortunately, he sensed fear in her breath, and it showed through her eyes. He was completely at sea when he realized that she was running to him, running straight to him. He panicked. Nothing struck his mind but to offer her his muscular arms.
As he opened his hard arms which was as hard and as hazardous as a bazooka and waited for her to run and fall into it, as he can assure to comfort her from anything that brought her straight to him. To him, his arms could give all the love and care that he had been dying to share with her. She was gasping for air. She felt dizzy and yet her feet did not stop. This made him helpless, helpless! She managed to look up at him in despair, saw him with his arms wide open waiting to place her safely in his territory. “Oh my god! What is this man up to?” she thought. “I’m here for you, come into my arms. It’ll and I’ll safe you from anything,” he thought. She croaked, “Mooveee!!!” Only god knows why he heard her saying “Smoothhhh!!!” Smooth?, he thought. Her heavy beg fell onto the floor and there she was alone, running to him, no books or begs to interfere him to feel her, only her. She noticed nothing but the man beyond her. She could not help herself but to run and it did occur to her that the only way to stop her from running is to run into his arms. She knew by heart that he will comfort her, indeed he was a beefy man- physically. At last, she fell into his solid arms that left him feel the whole world belonged to no one but him.
The song in his head made him forget the place where he was in. That particular song made him want to dance with her in his arms. The song was not the song that was playing in his disc-man, it was the same song he heard when his bestial and brutish father left, left him alone with his ill mother.
Yet, she couldn’t stop running. She couldn’t stop her feet, she tried, but it betrayed her. This made him hold her tighter. He forced her to press her face hard on his chest. This is the opportunity that he had been waiting for to run his hands through her soft hair. He was gone. He was gone completely into the world that he built for them both. All of a sudden, she stammered, “They… are… here! Help! Help!” She earnestly pleaded him. He was somewhat deaf at that moment. He refused to hear anything but the music of joy playing in his head.
She couldn’t stop her feet from running, in fact she was stepping all over his foot, and it forced him to step back. She was pushed him with all of her strength while running in his arms. It was more like a battle between flash and a hard weapon. He hold her tighter, now around her waist, savoring how small she was in reality, when all these while she was hiding her hour-glass figure under the thick blouses that always left him imagine things under those big clothes clinging to her soft skin. He tilted his head in ecstasy, besotted with his fantasy, basking the warmth of her body and furious heart beat. Somehow, she was stronger than this man. He was pushed and he lost his track. He nearly tripped but the wall behind him helped him to lean and feel her more. He had his eyes closed tightly, savoring her small body against his when she looked up at him, peered and beseeched, “Help me! Please. They are here. After me… help me!” Her tears wet his shirt. He felt her tears penetrating his shirt. It woke him up from his dream. He looked down at this troubled girl and he goggled at her. She was crying, tears wet her cheeks. He wanted so much to stop her from crying. She looked so pretty when she cries and he was afraid something would strike his mind and it might lead him back to his fantasies. He finally managed to say, “Who? Who is coming? Tell me, I’m here to protect you from anything.” He assured her to trust him. “Shhh! Shhh! Don’t talk too loud, they can hear you,” she whispered. Her face changed from a weak girl to an earnest woman. She was seeking something. She was indeed seeking his trust. He kept his mouth shut watching her eyes bulging out in fear. She has this really stunning big eyes, he thought to himself. He hold her tight, letting her hug him like a little teddy, though physically he was big. No one had hugged him this tight before, even his mother who had always kept her distance from him. He suddenly felt wanted and felt she was his. She tried to push him away when his arms made her suffocate. She couldn’t breathe. She grumbled in his chest, “They… they are the beast. Want to kill me. Kill us! Beast, beast is what they are.” He holds her tighter thinking of the beast. He shivered and trembled like a little child remembering the beats he received from his father when he was a child.
The way she stammered was some what sounded real. Beast is coming near. After my woman. No, no can I let the beast take her away. She’s mine! He thought in his troubled mind. Tighter and tighter he hugged her, desirously for love and care, it forced her to grasp more air. She couldn’t speak. She couldn’t ask him to stop either.
There was no air in his arms and the only thing there was his… his arms. He didn’t want to let her go because she was the only thing he had and he would not want the beast to take her away. Air… no air… she felt dizzy, she couldn’t hear anything except for his heart beating like a drum against her ears. She was weak. She had no energy left in her small body and she was too weak to scream. At last her feet stopped running and so did her heart. She was bestially asphyxiated.
She left the world without him noticing it. He left the world and was in the world of his own. He imagined, oh he imagined all kinds of things about her. He was a man who fathered a dozen of kids with her and he made sure he was not as abusive as his father. This was the moment he had waited since he was five that was to be near a person- to touch and feel human flesh- a woman, who to him can transfer herself to a mother who would spare her love and care which he did not receive in his younger days.
He suddenly felt cold. The cold that woke him up from his fantasy, he looked down at her corpse. He felt a pile of blood rushed to his head, blocking his eyes to see her… dead. He pushed her off him and watched her drop on to the floor. Her eyes were in terror, wide open as though watching him. His heart beat so fast that it made him confused, woozy. He wanted to vomit looking at this dead body under his nose. He closed his face with both of his hands, regretting to be too joyous to own something which he hadn’t all his life and to loose it in a split second. His bellow like scream echoed through the hallway.