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New Definitions for Modern Life
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| 10. | TRAFFIC LIGHT -- apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches. |
| 9. | DIVORCE -- postgraduate in School of Love. |
| 8. | PEOPLE -- some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority has no idea what's happened. |
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| 7. | SELF-CONTROL -- the ability to eat only one peanut. |
| 6. | SALESMAN -- man with ability to convince wife she'd look fat in mink. |
| 5. | CANNIBAL -- person who likes to see other people stewed. |
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| 4. | FOREIGN FILM -- any movie shown in Texas theater that isn't a western. |
| 3. | MAGAZINE -- bunch of printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next issue. |
| 2. | COLLEGE: The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone. |
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| 1. | BABY-SITTER: A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teen-agers. |